Dreams of Glory
“The Architect’s Dream” by Thomas Cole (1840), Toledo Museum of Art (Accession No. 1949.162), Source Web Gallery of Art (PD- Art l Old-100)
In the night hours, I search enormous empty law firms for case files I am unable to locate; scour the stacks frantically for legal precedents I am unable to discover. I return in dreams to settings that were once familiar, and wander the corridors unable to find the office I once occupied.
I grieve over the work I am no longer able to do, and wake with tears in my eyes. There is no glory. There is no longer even satisfaction in completing a necessary task. There is only a sense of failure.
I never thought I would become famous. I did, however, think I could be of service. That a variety of ailments have interfered with this torments me.
Pain, depression, anxiety, and PTSD constrain my actions; have set borders around my life. They, also, filter my reality. I throw myself against the bars of this prison uselessly.
Within these limits, I attempt to function.
That is not, however, the end of the story. The story is not, in fact, about me. It is about God. It is to Him the glory goes.
We think we know the direction for our lives. We chart a course, and set sail, only to find ourselves in unknown waters. Shark-infested waters, with unseen reefs in every direction, and no port in sight.
For many of us, the storms only grow worse from there. We long to do great things for God, but struggle from one day to the next, sometimes one hour to the next.
We though are the blessed. Make no mistake. We are afforded a unique perspective: the opportunity to see Almighty God at work firsthand.
Some He cures. Some He rescues. And some He sustains. Day in and day out, He upholds us despite our past, despite our scars. Despite the constant storms of life. Our task is to cling to Him, as if to the last spar afloat.
That is where the real glory is to be found.
“For God, who said, ‘Light shall shine out of darkness,’ is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ” (2 Cor. 4: 6).
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A Lawyer's Prayers 
“That is not, however, the end of the story. The story is not, in fact, about me. It is about God. It is to Him the glory goes.” Wow, and how awesome it is that he has invited you into the story.
Thanks for sharing this, and will pray for you as soon as I finish writing this comment
I’m gratified that you liked the post, and truly grateful for your prayers.
Encouraging post! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Thank you, Mary. ❤
Reblogged this on Anchor Thy Soul .
You have been of service dear Anna – your sense of failure has no basis in truth. Forgive me if you think me presumptuous in saying after reading your painfully honest, but nevertheless inspirational words, that God must be saying: “This is my daughter in whom I am well pleased”.
That is my heart’s desire. Your friendship is an added blessing. ❤
Anna, it seems that the older we get the more our reality goes against what we once thought God would do with and for us when we started this walk. Yet, as we study the lives of the saints in the Bible, this seems to be the norm. He strips us of all that is worldly, our worldly thoughts and ambitions that we brought with us into the Christian walk (no matter how religious they were) that we might find our total satisfaction in Christ. Yes, this says it all, “…[He] has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ” This kind of knowledge is experiential and intimate, not just mental. God has been separating us from knowledge that only puffs us up (thus the meaning of your dreams) that we might have the true knowing of Jesus Christ in a personal way. I thank God for you, dear sister.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us,
Michael
You are a dear friend, Michael. This process of God stripping everything worldly away is certainly not painless. But it is necessary, if we are to be conformed to the image of Christ. Blessings, A. ❤
Dear Anna, it is with deep sorrow I read your post. I don’t know exactly how you feel but I know pain.
I know the harassment of satan. satan wants you to focus on works, works you cannot do at this time. He wants you to think you are disappointing God because of what you are not doing. God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are Proud of You! YOU, not your works are his prize, you are the pearl of great price that he gave up everything for. When I don’t sense his presence life is black. But YOU WILL RISE AGAIN! He carries me though I can’t sense it. Dear Jesus, your daughter Anna has entrusted herself to you. Do for her all that you long to do. That when this is over she can shout your praises to a dying world.
Thank you, James. Your words of comfort were exactly what I needed to hear. Your prayer brought tears to my eyes. May God bless you for it.
Anna, I’m sorry you have been through so much. I know that you know this, but you are not alone. I see you as a person of great compassion and concern for others. You are a blessing to us here. Thank you sister.
Thank you for your kindness, Nicodemas. I know something of what you and your wife have suffered, and appreciate your support all the more for that reason.
Blessings.
Anna, I am in tears after reading this post because I just felt a human touch- the kind that comes from hearing a story so familiar but not my own. It is another person’s account that reminds me that my struggles are not entirely unique to me alone- it is just life. It is just human nature. It is just God’s way of accommodating us in a place of prayer- not to make petitions, but to acknowledge that he exists and that without him, we are reduced to the clay from which we came. Thanks for sharing. I do not know very much about you, but from following you for a while, I have come to conclude that if you truly believe the things that you post on here, then, you are the finest of God’s creation. I do not know what you think you have failed at, but, there is a purpose for everything – including failure. Your insights have been a blessing to me. Sometimes, when God redirects our ship, we think we have missed our destination. Very often, there is a greater purpose. Until we find it, we never understand the “shipwrecks”. The Lord is your strength. ☺
You’ve become a valued friend, Gbolabo. As you so eloquently put it, without God we are reduced to the clay from which we came. But we wrestle with Him…at least I do.
Hope all’s well with you, Anna ❤
We've been clinging to Christ here, as well! 🙂 💜 Jackie@KWH
Good to hear from you, Jackie. I am doing well. Christ sustains us in all things. Love, A. ❤