Responding to Bigotry

Children from different backgrounds, Author Harald Kreutzer (GNU Free Documentation License 1.2 or later) (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

WARNING:  Offensive Remarks Used for Illustration Purposes

The Southern Poverty Law Center has developed an award-winning anti-bias guide entitled “Speak Up!”.  Hundreds of stories of bigotry – in public and private, at school and in the workplace – were collected in Phoenix, AZ; Baltimore, MD; Columbia, SC; and Vancouver, WA.  The guidelines discussed here were the result.

Chances are that the average American adult has encountered bigotry many times.  Whatever our race or ethnicity, whatever our religion, whatever our political party or social status, we have seen, heard, experienced, or voiced bias at some point.

Woven into the fabric of daily life, bigotry can catch us off guard.  A stranger tells an offensive “joke” at a restaurant or in an elevator.  A classmate makes a derisive remark about the new kid in school.  An employer makes a disparaging comment.  A family member begins a familiar tirade, once again blaming a certain group for the ills of the world.

Even those among us determined to treat others in an even-handed manner may be at a loss how to respond when confronted with this ugly behavior.

Be Ready

“He’s a typical Jew.  Those people have more money than God.”

There is no set response to every instance of bigotry.  As Christians, however, we should be prepared for such encounters.

Promising not to remain silent is one way of preparing ourselves.  Having something ready to say is another.  Open-ended questions can be useful to dialog.  “Why do you say that?”  “How did you come to that conclusion?”

Even when our questions are not asked in an aggressive manner, they may seem confrontational.  We must be prepared for a hostile response.

We must keep the setting in mind, as well.  Two placard-wielding groups about to clash at a demonstration will not be as open to compromise as two co-workers talking over coffee.

Safety can be an issue, and should always be taken into account.

Identify the Behavior

“He’s one of those towel heads.  I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.”

Remember that the goal is communication.  Occasionally, reflecting back the speaker’s language or behavior in a reasoned tone may help him/her to recognize it as offensive.  “Did you really mean to imply that all Muslims are terrorists?”  But labels and name calling will only escalate the conflict.

Appeal to Principle, Empathy, and Family Ties

“Don’t Indian families prefer daughters to marry, you know, their own kind?”

What people say in a moment of anger may not be what they think at other times.  If the speaker is someone with whom you have a relationship – a friend or co-worker, for instance – a call to principle can be helpful.  “Susan, I’ve always considered you a fair person.  It shocks me that you would make such a negative statement about an entire race.”

If the speaker is a family member, an appeal to family ties may be effective.  “Your jokes are putting distance between us, Uncle Harry.  I worry they’ll wind up doing irreparable harm to our relationship.  I want to avoid that, if at all possible.”

If you have a close relationship with the speaker, describe how you feel when the offensive language is used or the jokes are made.

If the speaker is a child who has absorbed bigotry from the media, friends, or other family members, focus on empathy.  “How would you feel if someone made that joke about you?”  “How do you think our neighbor would feel if he heard you call him that name?”

Set Limits

“She is wa-a-ay too ethnic.  His mother will never approve.”

We can set limits on the behavior allowed in our presence.  A line should be clearly drawn.  “I don’t want you to use that language when I’m around.”

When the hurtful comments are made by a friend, explain any cultural difference that may exist and your position with regard to bigotry.  “Our friendship really matters to me.  But we’ve never talked about my experience with racism.  I’d like to do that now.”

The speaker’s attitude may not change.  Fewer people will though be exposed to his/her prejudice.

Find an Ally

“She did what?!  The dimwit must be off her meds.”

Seek out like-minded people, and ask for their support.  In a retail setting, this may include other customers.

And return the favor.  If you cannot be the first to speak out against bias, be the second or third.

Be Vigilant

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3: 28).

Do not forward emails containing biased statements, jokes, or cartoons.  Explain to the sender why you have chosen not to send his/her communication on.  Ask to be removed from similar distribution lists in future.

Consider explaining your reasons to all recipients.  Be prepared for blowback, if you do.

Casual interactions establish office culture.  Speak out early and often; late, if nothing else.  This does not have to be done in a militant manner.  Use office policies, as needed.  File a formal complaint with Human Resources, if necessary.

Do not be discouraged.  Progress can be slow.  Silence, however, enables bigotry.

READERS CAN FIND MY VIEWS ON ABUSE AND ABUSE-RELATED ISSUES AT ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse  https://avoicereclaimed.com