Like Rain on Parked Cars, Chapter 9 – Interlude
Friendship bracelets, Image courtesy of Cultural Fashion or Adornment, Tanzania, Author Maryam Mgonja, (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)
“And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a multitude of sins‘” (1 Peter 4: 8).
I could have ended our relationship when Aretha left the program. Since she was a ward of the state, not yet emancipated, her status was now technically that of an unsupervised minor. I did not, in fact, know how to reach her.
Aretha had spoken of other girls leaving the group home. She kept to herself, so as not to make attachments that would not last.
Ruth had warned me that a high proportion of girls leave the program early, that the gravitational pull of their old lives is simply too great. The chaos to which they have been accustomed leaves them so scarred it is not possible for them to accept the schedules, the rules and regulations, that provide the structure for an ordinary life [1].
Though essential, love alone is not enough. Self-discipline (and patience) are two critical characteristics the girls lack. Structure helps teach these things, but only for those willing to stay with the program.
While Aretha had been discontented, I had not expected this. I wrestled with what I would say, if she called. My first concern was for her welfare. However, by leaving the program, Aretha had, also, foregone the tremendous educational opportunities associated with it. Not only would she be back at an inner city high school. She would now have to finance college on her own.
In situations such as this one, the relief organization encouraged its volunteers to continue mentor relationships – albeit without formal guidance – if the child expressed an interest.
When Aretha did call from her aunt’s, I offered to go on with her as we had before. Aretha took for granted that our relationship would continue.
We were, after all, friends.
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[1] National Institutes of Health (NIH), National Library of Medicine, “The role of chaos in poverty and children’s socioemotional adjustment” by Gary Evans, et al, July 2005, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16008790/.
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A Lawyer's Prayers 
Ein schönes Bild.
Vielen Dank. LG, A. ❤
“Though essential, love alone is not enough.” A disappointing interlude, but with seeds of hope.
Life is like that more often than we realize. ❤
Friends can be relied upon… Precious lesson learned.
I have heard it said that friends are our chosen family. I have been greatly blessed, in that regard.
This is so true. Our oldest grand daughter had a friend in highschool, one who sit alone every day. Her mother encouraged her to befriend this girl and she did. Out of it came a lasting friendship and now my daughter calls this girl her adopted daughter. she is even in the last family pictures. She comes from a broken home, lots of pain and hurt in her life but she found acceptance and love with her friend and her family. It hard for kids, teen especially to look beyond themselves to those who are alone. Our grand daughter was invited to be a part of the pack, those girls that are cheer leaders and picked for everything but they really ignored her since she did not have a phone like all of them did. She had grew up on the mission field and none of those girls were one bit interested in how she grew up. It was one of the parents that wanted her girl to be friends with our grand daughter. Scarlett was a sophomore when they re turned to the states. Long story short, she found a very good friend in the one she befriended that will be a forever friend. I am so proud of her as you can tell. I love your post and how you bring realness to those who need someone to help them. Blessings.
Thank you so much for sharing your granddaughter’s story, Betty. You have every right to be proud of her. I am sure she has a more profound understanding of true value than the “popular” girls who rejected her on the basis of a phone. ❤
I can’t remember–was this program (that Aretha eventually left) faith-based? Either way, she was blessed to have you as a mentor, Anna–someone who cared enough to stay with her, even though she opted out.
No, the program was not faith-based, Nancy. I did try to do my best for Aretha. But I was the one blessed.