Like Rain on Parked Cars, Chapter 19 – Slippery Ladder

Community College of Philadelphia, Author Jim.henderson, (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye” (Ps. 32: 8).

Aretha sat beside me in the waiting room, radiating annoyance and nerves.  We had arrived early with the intention of registering her for college…yet again.  This was to be Aretha’s third try at completing a semester, this time at a community college.

The room, in contrast to Aretha’s mood, was bright and cheerful, with student art displayed on the walls.  However, the counselor who would be interviewing prospective students was late in arriving.

Aretha took the delay as a personal affront.  “This is stupid,” she said from a slumped position in her chair, arms crossed stubbornly across her chest.

“She’ll be here soon, I’m sure.  She must know there are students waiting.”

“Let’s go.”

“It can’t be more than another few minutes.  Why don’t you get some coffee, hon?”

“I don’ wanna sit here, jus’ doin’ nothin’.”

“We’re here now.  Let’s hang around awhile.”

“Who wants to go here anyway?”  Aretha asked, rising from her chair to pace.

“It’s a start.  If you keep your grades up, you can transfer to a four-year school after your sophomore year.”

“I’m leavin’.”

“Come on.  We planned on being here, after all.  We haven’t got anything better to do.”

I coaxed and cajoled, while Aretha fumed, her anxiety obvious.  There was some cause for this.

Aretha had enrolled in college courses unsuccessfully before.  Each time, excited at the prospect and eager to move forward with her life, she had loaded up heavily on credits.  Regardless of what anyone else said, Retha was sure she could manage a full contingent and work full-time, if she just tried hard enough.

But the educational ladder can be a slippery one.  Again and again, Aretha failed to attend the minimum number of classes, incurring additional debt in the process.  Again and again, she lost credit transferring from one school to another.

I initially assumed these failures stemmed from childcare issues, the absence of anyone with whom Aretha could reliably leave Jonathan when he was young.  To some extent that was true.  Fear of failure and fear of success may, also, have been factors.

But Aretha’s need for employment was her most pressing concern.  She could not afford to turn away work, even if that meant falling  asleep in class after an all-night shift.  Eventually, she would end up skipping class and dropping out.

Financial Need and Insecurity

This was a matter of genuine financial need.  However, it was closely related to the insecurity from which Aretha suffered as a result of her poverty upbringing.

Aretha encountered good things so rarely, the choice between two such things was immensely difficult for her.  The slower pace which might have allowed her to balance school and work was anathema to her.  Moderation was unacceptable.

The child with her arms around a ball (perhaps the first she has ever owned) cannot successfully reach for a glass of milk.  But if she risks putting the ball down, it may be lost to her forever.  So she makes an attempt to juggle the two — hoping for the best, while jeopardizing both.

Budgeting

This was reflected in Aretha’s approach to budgeting, as well.

Unable (or unwilling) to calculate her annual wage, Aretha had no idea how much she spent each month on food, clothing, utilities, or other expenses.  If she had the money in her pocket, she used it or gave it away.

That meant she had no clear idea whether rent in a certain range was affordable, or the purchase of a car with insurance was within her means.

A high school graduate, Aretha did not have a solid grasp of basic arithmetic.  She, also, preferred not to examine her finances too closely.  That would have required coming to terms with her severe financial limitations, a process more painful than she could bear.

Education Gaps

There were other gaps in Aretha’s knowledge.  She had never had the opportunity to read Keats or Shelley, Plato or Rousseau, Augustine or Aquinas.  To her credit, Aretha was familiar with Maya Angelou, Thurgood Marshall, and Jesse Owens.  Not all her former classmates could say as much.

The missing information was not critical to Aretha’s survival.  Its absence, however, narrowed her view of the world, cramped her aspirations, and her ability to achieve them [1].

…

Around this time, I was invited by a friend to see the acclaimed “My Children!  My Africa!” at a theater on Broad Street.  The play by South African writer, Athol Fugard, deals with apartheid and civil unrest in Soweto and other townships.

Unfamiliar with the plot, I was surprised that a teacher and two students – one white, the other black – comprised the entire cast.  The three were more than sufficient.  Through brilliant dialog and moving performances, the play examined the alternatives of education and violence, as means of establishing equality.

I could not understand why there were not more white faces in the audience.

—

[1]  Center for Law and Social Policy (CLASP), “The Enduring Effects of Childhood Poverty” by Indivar Dutta-Gupta, 8/14/23, https://www.clasp.org/blog/the-enduring-effects-of-childhood-poverty/.

Copyright © 2010 – Present Anna Waldherr.  All rights reserved.

READERS CAN FIND MY VIEWS ON ABUSE AND ABUSE-RELATED ISSUES AT ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse
https://avoicereclaimed.com